Scene 1: Sam's house
Enter Whambo, The Incredible Jubb and Spandex Boy
Whambo: Where do we go now? Where do we go now? (breaks into song) Sweet child...
Spandex-Boy: By my troth, I know noteth.
Jubb: Nor do I. Though I think some dinner may beest in order.
Spandex-Boy: You just ate. You fat shite. If you wish to devour a whole fridge, then by all means eat heartily my dear fellow. If, however, you wish to gain a figure as refined as my own, then I suggest you do not.
Whambo: Hold your tongues! I feareth the bushes have ears.
Jubb goes to window and lets rip. Nick appears holding nose
Whambo, Spandex Boy, and Jubb: NICK!
Jubb remains with backside out of the window
Nick: You rotten skunk.
Jubb: Sorry old boy, didn't realiseth it was you.
Nick: By my troth, I was not referring to you, my dearest of dear, dear, dear fellows. (reveals some rotten skunk)
Whambo: Nick, I am grateful of you allegiance in this dark hour, and such a powerfuleth allie should be celebrated, though I fear we have not the time or the heart to rejoice now. We must speedily devise a plan to call the PMT to us. (to Jubb) If we do not move our asses.
Jubb: What? Do you want me to relieveth myself in your house? (moves from window)
Whambo: Then all will be lost, and the gerbils will eternally rule over our defeated souls.
Spandex-Boy: Do you realise you just said the same fucking thing twiceth?
Whambo: Its ye'old Englishe, I have to.
Nick: (sparks up) I have an idea, but by my troth, your hearts will need to be in this, or we shall fallth, and fallth 'til we can fallth no more into the darkness and the eternal rule of the ger...
Spandex-Boy: (cracks whip) Get on with, unless thou doth wishest to challenge me?
Nick: Nay, good sir, your anger is misplaced. I propose to you 3, that we use the one weapon that can bringest the Second Coming...
Jubb: Isn't that a job for swa...
Nick: (shouting) THE SECOND COMING, of the prophecy.
Whambo, Spandex-Boy, and Jubb: Not the prophecy!
Nick: Yes the prophecy.
Man walking by window: Really?
Nick: Fuck yes!
Man walking by window: Yikes! (exits)
Spandex-Boy: But the prophesy writes: "On the Second Coming, there shall be a terrible battle, where all but The Chosen One are slain". Yet we know not who is the chosen one.
Jubb: By my troth, surely it is our commander, our captain, (bows to Whambo) the very reason that we exist, the life and soul of us all. I would die for you, my leader.
Whambo: But Jubb...
Jubb: Oh! This life I choose.
Nick: Can I finish my plan? (silence) Good. We must riskesth life, limb, and balls to break back into school and fight through the army of mindless teachers to turn on the fabled signal that will surely recall the PMT back to us, and therefore complete the second coming.
Spandex-Boy: Yippee!! I'm going back to school. I'm no longer a bum!!
Scene 2: Outside school
Enter Whambo, The Incredible Jubb, Spandex-Boy and Nick.
Spandex-Boy: (skipping, whilst chanting) 'Coz back in school, we are the leaders!
Whambo: (to Nick and Jubb) I wisheth, and I shall swear it on my sword, and swear thus; that we may all survive this ordeal, for I hold both your friendships close to my heart.
Jubb sticks head in between Sam's boobs
Whambo: (hits Jubb) By my troth, not that close!
Jubb: As you hold my friendship dear, I hold yours dear. You are, by my troth, more important than, Nick, myself, or dick face over there. I hereby swear on my sword, and swear thus; I shall protect you with my life if needs be. Though I pray my soul is not needed, for I am a pussy when it comes down to it.
Nick: I shalleth also swear on your sword; FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK...eth
Spandex-Boy: We have arrived at the gates of molten fire that can only lead to unspeakable hell demons.
Nick: No that's just scho... good point.
Scene 3: Inside school
Enter Whambo, The Incredible Jubb, Spandex Boy and Nick. There are lots of Gerbils laying around them
Spandex-Boy: I am astounded. I never dreamed that...
Nick: Incredible, who would have thought...
Jubb: Could it be? By my troth, I have never seen such a sight.
Whambo: Though I am more amazed than all of you, I urge you to remember the task in hand. We must use the fabled signal.
Nick: Indeed. We must search for the signal.
Jubb: Indeed, we must; yet I know not what the signal looks like.
Whambo: Dumbass. It is, of course, well, sort of, err... Nick?
Nick: Bollocks. I have, by my troth, just noted, and noted fully, a flaw in my plan that could smite us all. Nobody knows what the fabled signal looks like.
Jubb: We are as good as smitten.
Whambo: Never! I shalleth not be smutted by such schmucks.
Spandex Boy picks up an unknown object
Jubb: Here here! I shall rally to protect the chosen one, for now they have revealed their true power to us. I will here by over swear my previous swores, and swear thus; I shall protect the chosen one, with my life, for am scared no longer.
Loud devilish noises rise up
Nick: Here they come!
Jubb screams like a 6-year-old
Spandex-Boy: Could this be it?
Holds up the fabled golden condom
Spandex-Boy: I must not open this until outside, so the light from within will symbolise the Second Coming.
Unknown figure in shadows: I will do it, for I am the only one who can.
Steps into light to reveal Swanny
Whambo, Nick, Jubb and Spandex-Boy: Swanny!!
Swanny: The path of the one is made by the many, we all have our roles to play. Back in Part 2, I knew this was my destiny.
Swanny: Oh come on! How many people do you know that can wank twice in less than a thousand words? It is my destiny to start a chain of events known as 'The Second Coming'. I must go to meet my fate!
Spandex-Boy: (hands the golden condom to Swanny) Thank you!
Swanny: Do not thank me, it is my destiny.
Whambo: Not that silly! You stopped us from talking bollocks Shakespearean talk.
Nick: Let's kick some gerbil ass!!
Spandex Boy: AARRRRRGGGGHHHARRRGGHHHR!!
Swanny: (inside) The... Second Coming... is... HERE!!! Oh, what a wonderful feeling!
As Swanny orgasms, a blinding light fills the sky. The Gerbils in the school disintegrate, and the hero's are filled with joy
...to be continued...